Life As You Know It
by mugglebornpride
Summary: Remus Lupin looks back on the last day of school


The four of you are standing at the astronomy tower, arms around shoulders. You're looking out at Hogwarts in all its glory. It's your last night here. It's unreal. A day you always knew would come but somehow it never seemed like it would come in this reality. There are sweet wrappers and cigarette butts and half empty bottles of firewhiskey behind you. It's a warm night. The moon is crescent. You like the moon that way because that means you're at your healthiest, your happiest. As you stand here, so close to the end, you can't help remembering the beginning.

* * *

You're standing on platform nine three quarters and it's the noisiest, most chaotic thing you've ever seen. You've always been a lonely child and you're unused to all this life, this verve. Never did you ever dream that this would be possible. Never did you dare. You were ill, you were sick, you were a monster. Every time the moon was full, your bones would snap and your jaw would elongate and your nails would grow into claws and you would become a beast. Everyday you carried that around with you but today you feel normal, mundane, everyday.

It's the best thing ever, you decide. To just be like everybody else, to do what they're doing, to wear what they're wearing and eat what they're eating. For a moment, you dare to dream. You dare to dream of the friends you'll make and the loves you'll have. Then it's gone. You're a monster once more. You drag your trunk towards the train and you find an empty compartment and you stay there.

* * *

You have dormmates. The first full moon in Hogwarts and you break out in cold sweat as you lie to them about an ill mother and you're ushered off to the Whomping Willow. A tree planted especially for you. After the fourth time, the lying gets a little better but you still live in fear of the day your dormmates find out because they will find out. They are a motley group of the mischievous, restless and clever. They are your friends (you have friends and it's the most amazing thing ever and you don't ever want to lose that feeling and go back to being that kid who was so, so scared and so, so lonely).

* * *

Your secret is out. Your secret is out and everything has changed. Not in the way you expected, though. You expected a shattering of the earth. You expected the end of your life. You expected going back home, alone and ashamed.

But everything is fine. Sirius is curiously asking you about your transformation, his eyebrow furrowed like it does when he's deep in thought. James is talking about nutritional requirements for after transformations and how important it is and Peter wants to tell you the story of his far-distant relative who was a werewolf. You're so shocked your jaw actually drops. After a minute, they realize something is wrong and stop talking.

"But I'm a monster. I'm dangerous." You explain. You don't expect the roaring laughter either. "Mate, a kitten would be more dangerous."

* * *

Your third year in Hogwarts consisted mostly of running away. Away from Peeves, from Filch, from Mrs Norris. Your pranks start becoming bolder as you escape from each one, unscathed.

The four of you transfigure all of Filch's furniture into huge puffskeins, leave a pink rose that squirts butterbeer for McGonagall for a whole month before she catches on to you and you turn all the staircases into slides. You laugh like you've never laughed before- so much that it hurts. There's running and hiding in odd places and discovering all these new rooms that you never would have even dreamed existed in Hogwarts.

The number of detentions you get also goes up but nothing compared to James and Sirius. They are so much bolder than you will ever be and sometimes they like to take credit for their splendid work.

* * *

"Are you mad?" you whisper as furiously as you can. "You want to turn into animals and run around with me every full moon?" They just look at you expectantly and when you don't continue they say, "Well, yes." And that's that and they won't hear anymore. You feel horrible but also there's this deep hidden away part of you that feels like it's flying and soaring and has seen light for the first time because you have these friends who love you so much.

* * *

Now there are puns and inside jokes and what once was the most horrible thing in your life is now the best thing ever and it's all thanks to these hooligans who walk like they own the world and you think that maybe they do.

* * *

It's your first date ever and it's all going well until you see a large black dog that's wagging its tail and looks like its grinning madly and you're so shocked that you dump ice cream on her lap and that's that. "I was concerned." Sirius explains when you corner him later. You put itching powder in his sheets before he goes to bed that night but not in his clothes because it's a little endearing that he was concerned.

* * *

War is here and you feel like that scared kid on the first day of school again. What if someone finds out? What if you hurt someone?

There are harsh, thoughtless words being thrown around and school kids are picking sides in war, _in war_ , and duels are breaking out in corridors and you think of the Second World War you read about in Muggle history books and wonder if this is how people felt then- a mounting sense of anxiety than never seemed to leave, not even in sleep. You feel so helpless. People are dying and people are fighting and you want to fight too because Hogwarts has given you the most precious thing, your friends.

* * *

You are made a Prefect and you know your friends will make an endless amount of fun of you but you're proud of it. So is your mother. She cries happy tears and you smile weakly, absolutely clueless.

"You know, they're hoping you keep us in line." James says sagely after he's done laughing about it, of course.

"I do know that." You say because you had suspected it but you don't think it'll work out like they're hoping.

"You're going to help us out instead aren't you?" Sirius says all-knowingly and you acquiesce with a little sigh.

Peter is talking about all the prefect privileges that will be made available to you and you listen as he lists them out.

You rein them in a little, though and you're slightly proud.

* * *

James is made Quidditch Captain and his grin is so goofy you have to laugh. Lily congratulates him and he almost falls off his chair in his haste to thank her. You make a large poster the day of the match and James takes one look at it and hangs his head and roars in silent laughter.

"Be a deer and win this one." It says on the banner.

* * *

James is Head Boy and it's your turn to laugh at him and tease him mercilessly but you recognize that look in his eyes. He's proud.

It helps that Lily is Head Girl.

When they finally, finally get together, you hoot and cheer along with the rest of them.

* * *

Meanwhile, things get worse in the Wizarding world. You see news reports about Aurors being killed and Dementors going rogue. There are Death-Eaters killing muggleborns and muggles and things are getting darker and scarier.

So when Professor Dumbledore talks to you about the Order of the Phoenix you say yes without even thinking because it is like a foregone conclusion.

You're going to fight. Of course you are.

* * *

Now it's the last day of school. Ever.

It's when the fight really, actually begins.

First you need to say goodbye to this part of your life. The best part of your life.

James Potter with his caring and his fretting and his hero complex. Sirius Black with his fierce and undying passion and his unwavering resolution to fight and his natural tendency to attract all sorts of trouble. Peter Pettigrew with a story for everything and a laugh funnier than the joke and his ability to crack you up no matter how sad you are.

That's what you fight for.

Them.


End file.
